October 2019 – The Cabbage Patch

Review: The Iron Bridge Inn

Stolen from their website- https://www.springfields.com/iron-bridge-inn/

Mercer, PA- Early 2019

Mrs. Slaw and I visited in early 2019 after a day of shopping at the Grove City outlets. Unfortunately, I didn’t snap a picture of the bowl, so I have attached a picture of the restaurant itself which is in a cool and historic building. They also have a huge and interesting menu- I got Rack of Lamb here once, so decidedly more upscale fare than the location would suggest.

Cabbage: Hand cut and acceptable size pieces

Carrot: Light on carrot, not enough to get some in every bite

The Cut: Good width

Dressing: Good flavor. A little heavy for my liking, but real mayo-based, so good adherence.

Salt and Pepper: No pepper evident

Spice/Seasonings: Nothing remarkable

Overall Thoughts (Previously Overall Review): Served in a large round bowl. Very generous portion for a side dish. I would definitely get this again.

Grade: B

The Quest for the Perfect Recipe, Batch#1

On Recipes:

To understand why I’m doing iterative slaw recipes, I guess I need to include some back story. I was drinking with Mrs. Slaw and friends at one of the on-resort restaurants while on vacation in Mexico (If it sounds like I’m a wannabe lifestyle author/influencer about to tell you about my glamorous life as a humblebrag, stay with me, this isn’t a super flattering story), when I mentioned to the table that I used a list app to keep detailed reviews of staple dishes at restaurants where I’ve eaten. It was a decidedly non-sexy list of things like which VFDs near my house do good Lenten fish frys. Mrs. Slaw knew about the list and had avoided publically shaming me about it because she’s very graceful. For some reason, the detailed notes I kept on creamy cole slaw were what my friends found the most ridiculous. Since then there was this half-joke of a half-idea in my friend group that I could turn this Rain Man personality trait into a blog. I made little to no attempt to make it a thing afterward. Recently, an obstacle to realizing the blog was removed, forcing me to do something. You’re reading me shitting rather than getting off the pot.

I realized even before starting to write that my reviews of side dishes from specific restaurants in Western Pa would be of limited interest to anyone. Hell, I’m not even sure I would read that blog as described. So I realized what I needed to do was to seek to create the ultimate version of the dish on my own while also including reviews of my experiences eating other peoples’ cole slaw. Thus, starting with Batch #1 follows my attempt to make the best creamy slaw.

Ever.

Basic Recipe I followed:

Was found on allrecipes.com. I can’t seem to find the exact one when I revisited the site later. Pictures included show some of the ingredients, so I guess if you see it, I used it in this batch.

Ingredients used:

Mayo= Burman’s

Vinegar= Walmart Apple Cider Vinegar

Salt= Morton’s

Sugar= Unlabeled clear bin from the kitchen pantry. Mrs. Slaw told me it was sugar, but as always, trust but verify.

Pepper= From the grinder on the kitchen table

Cabbage= Source: Dilner Farms CSA. Used about 3/4 of a medium head

Carrot= Rando bag from the fridge. Used one large.

Lemon juice= I squeezed juice from a fresh-adjacent lemon

Photos:

Forgot to take this picture until near the end. No Baby wipes actually used in the process.

Intentional deviations from Recipe:

None. This was a baseline test. Some measurements eyeballed.

Beer accompaniment:

Dragon’s Milk (2019) by New Holland Brewery. An old favorite. An 11 percenter- I split it with Mrs. Slaw so I didn’t lose any fingers to the box grater.

How I felt:

Seemed sweet at test, but after it sat overnight I thought it was good. Noted I wanted to add coarse ground pepper for appearance/texture in the future. Happy with dressing coat and adherence.

How others felt:

Tester #1 thought the level of pepper was sufficient when asked. Tester #1 thought it needed more acid and he mentioned that he adds some finely minced onion. I still consider Tester #1 a friend despite this horrible advice.

Mrs. Slaw thought that it was bland and suggested Miracle Whip instead of Mayo. Divorce was pondered and then disregarded since Mrs. Slaw usually gives good advice and is a good partner.

Grade:

M- for decidedly meh.

The notion that my first shot at this would be the best ever-which actually happened the first time I made Grilled Cheese- Mrs. Slaw would not, in fact, Grill me a Cheese that day- was quickly disconfirmed.

Review: Red Robin

Greensburg PA 2/22/2019

Update: As of Christmas 2019 Red Robin no longer serves slaw as a side. I thought about writing a letter to someone, but then I realized that’s borderline Unabomber stuff. No one writes letters anymore. Perhaps I’ll angry tweet at them.

I went to Red Robin some time ago with Mrs. Slaw and her parents.

Cabbage: Solid cut, between a dice and a julienne. Some Red Cabbage although the Red Cabbage was cut in bigger pieces than the green.

Carrot: Maybe a touch light on Carrot

The Cut: Acceptable size pieces

Dressing: Just a bit on the sweet side. A bit too much dressing for the amount of ingredients.

Salt and Pepper: Adequate salt, a bit light on Pepper

Spice/Seasonings: Not too spicy or anything exotic going on. Likely just the mayo they’d put on a burger.

Overall Review: This a side portion that is offered with or instead of fries. Consistent with my ethos, I always get Slaw. It comes in a small square bowl that is ideal for this sort of dish. It was a small portion and I got seconds. Used a metal fork (4 tines).

Grade: B

Welcome to the Cabbage Patch!

What’s this blog about?

It’s about enjoying, creating and grading creamy cole slaw.

There is also, regrettably, vinegar-based slaw. I have heard that some people call vinegar-based slaw, “Church Slaw.” If you prefer vinegar based slaw you probably want to visit some other blog, such as “Vinny’s Vinegar-Based, Terrible Slaw Site.” The Cabbage Patch is a creamy cole slaw review and recipe blog, written by me, Dr. Slaw.

What will you review?

Any creamy cole slaw that follows the basic tenants of construction as to be differentiable from a basic salad. I live in Pittsburgh but I eat the slaw where me finds it. I also willingly eat it at major chains and diners. I am not a cole snob. I probably prefer something closer to homemade in most cases, but I love fast food and this is no place to get elitist. If I eat it, I’ll review it.

Will you review my (personal/mom’s/grandma’s slaw)?

I’m not saying no, but there are two practical challenges.

#1, How are you going to get it to me? Mail it? That’s gross.

#Letter B, I don’t I want to make your Granny cry. She’s probably as sweet as the day is long, but just because she’s been cooking since the Truman administration doesn’t mean she makes good slaw. Perhaps she uses unusual ingredients or uses way too much dressing.

How are reviews structured?

I, Dr. Slaw, will give you as much background info as possible on the serving vessel and general experience. Where was it? Was it carryout or did I eat in restaurant? Did I use a plastic or metal fork? Was it fresh? Was it portioned out of a larger vessel, etc. If I remember I’ll take a picture (I probably won’t). Then I will describe it based on my arbitrary, yet incredibly specific grading criteria and give it a letter grade.

What do you grade on?

The rubric is a bit fluid at this point, but the essentials are as follows:

Cabbage: Fresh. Ideally still crispy. Can be a red cabbage and green cabbage mix, but all green is certainly OK.

Carrot: There should be carrot. Carrot adds subtle sweetness so less sugar is needed in the dressing. Ideally carrot should be like 20-25% of the veggie mix. Carrot-less cole slaw is a mistake.

The Cut: My opinion is that something on the order of julienning is perfection. I like sizeable distinct pieces. I don’t enjoy a fine dice, it’s not ideal for holding dressing and small uniform pieces are worse than overly large pieces.

Dressing: Mayo-based. There is a perfect amount, ideally it coats the ingredients. It shouldn’t be too soupy. I shouldn’t need to mix things around to get dressing on everything.

Salt and Pepper: Pepper should be evident by taste and visible, so I like coarse-ground. I will add pepper to slaw I’m served if needed, but will always try several bites before adding it. Ideally, I shouldn’t have to add anything to the slaw.

Spice/Seasonings: I don’t think any specific spice is a no-go for me right now, but that’s always subject to change. In practice I’ve had overly sweet, or overly salty slaw, and that’s a pretty serious hit to the rating, but I’m open to any reasonable seasonings of the ingredients and mayo/miracle whip.

What’s not OK?

Broccoli. At least one Pittsburgh area Seafood restaurant uses broccoli in its slaw. I don’t know what happened to the chef in his childhood but it must have been terrible for him to want to subject me to cole slaw that had large pieces of Broccoli. Sadly it was otherwise a decent offering- but I’ll talk about it later.

What about your stuff?

I am not good at cooking. I belong nowhere near an oven. There is a limited number of things I make well and the common thread amongst the items on that menu is that I’m often tinkering with the recipe to make the best version of that item I can. This is no different. I have my ideas about the ideals I mentioned above and my quest will be an attempt to bring that into my own slaw preparation.

Why should I care?

You shouldn’t. This is just like my opinion, man. Don’t forget all human cultural development is basically an elaborate distraction from our knowledge of our eventual demise. I’m going to be dead someday and so will you. Eat some fucking cole slaw and enjoy your people.

But Primanti’s uses vinegar-based slaw?

And…